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Cheers to One Year.

March 25, 2013

Cheers to One Year

A year ago I told myself to write. It didn’t matter what or why or for who, just do it because you enjoy it. I have journals upon journals scattered all around my apartment that are half written in or half torn apart because I sometimes despise the way words flow out of my mind.

But this time it would be different. This time I would focus less on what people thought of my writing (or more so less what I thought of my writing) and make it happen. I had no theme, no hitch to rely on, just the power of my words and the practice of my mind.

I started out slow, thinking I will never share this with anyone because it is doubtful anyone would care. It was that seed, right there, that thought that “no one would care” which I needed to step away from. The negativity and the self-doubt that fills our minds taunts me at every moment. That fear that someone will be critical, judgement passing through their eyes, of my words or myself or my experiences is something that fills every ounce of who I am.

I was scared.

And, honestly, I am still scared to write words of vulnerability or show my truths. I tend to focus on topics that show only parts of me I want the world to see and I shy away from opinions I may hold that you, my darlings, may not. I’m scared I’ll be discouraged or tired or lose my focus. I’m scared my words, every once in a while, will not transcend your mind to reach your depth.

I often wonder if I am the only blogger (“writer”?) who thinks this way but have to constantly assure myself this cannot possibly be the case. When Gwenyth Paltrow sits down at her desk to write the latest goop article, she must think “Who am I speaking to? Who is listening?” So yes, I am completely comparing myself to Gwen right now in that I think the same way. Who am I speaking to? Who is listening?

What do my words, my ideas, mean?

A theme has pronounced itself throughout the year: A young New Yorker exploring, maturing, experiencing. A young women who loves her family, is proud of Ohio but isn’t looking back.

Writing this has taught me a lot, too. I’ve learned to never take this city for granted and to say yes to every new opportunity. Who knows, if nothing else, you come away with a great post. I’ve learned that the internet is a vast expansion of the mind if you do not let is consume you and that writing is a passion and should be done from the heart. I’ve made mistakes while writing posts and I sometimes detest the aesthetic style of my blog. I wish I had an evident signature but I simply cannot pull off “xoxo” without thinking of a silly show. I wish I could create more dialogue with you, I wish I could inspire you more and I wish I would let you see me instead of what I do — but because of all this, I am learning. So I should keep going…

I do hope you will be joining me as I continue to wander all the nooks and crannies of city living, grow up, love and trust God in year two…

I always enjoy good company.

(Psst… My first post can be read here, laughs about the topic are appreciated.)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 26, 2013 4:35 pm

    I love listening to you grow…I love hearing your voice…and I love that I can hear that voice whenever I want…all I have to do is stop by your blog! Happy One Year : )

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